Taking my Music to Goa

Don’t be a fool for the city lights.

One fine day, I just packed a swimsuit, a pair of flip-flops, sunglasses, a hat, sunscreen and some lip gloss and took off into the sunset. I had beer for breakfast and salt water for lunch, sand scrubs for pedicures and strangers for friends. I watched sunsets by the beach and listened to the same songs all day, everyday. I let the salty air cause havoc to my hair as I leaned out of the car window to smell the fragrance of nature. I let the long winding roads take me to their secret hideouts. I had a good book for company and midday naps for when I wanted to shut off and listen to the ocean. I was perfectly lonely – nothing to do, nowhere to be, a simple little kind of free. Except, I went with two of my best guy friends on this much dreamt-on vaction to Goa – and together with the ocean, they gave me the most carefree four days of my life.

They stopped mid-sentence to look at women clad in bikinis, they treated me like an equal, they weight-lifted my beach bag, always handed me the dry towel, gave me the eye-level shelf in the closet, did not drink and drive but made sure I had a beer in one hand at any given point in time, and never let me miss a sunset. And they stayed slightly sane so I didn’t have to do the same. I knew I could let go and finally live.

I always knew it, but they reminded me that the love a childhood friendship fosters, belongs to a whole different league. It’s simple, pure, genuine, honest and uninhibited. It’s the only place where you are you 24/7.

And hence began 72 hours of hopping from one blank space to another in my mind, and one tranquil beach to another in our small, cosy Wagon R. If there was a routine, it was only because at some point our grumbling tummies needed a break from the liquid diet and pee stops had to be taken into account to cater for the obsessive liquid intake. If there was time to kill, it was only because the crashing waves, the sun, and sand filled us with a languid laziness. If there was silence in the lack of conversation, it was only because the sound of it was taking us away from the city lights one moment at a time. And finally, if there was any regret, it was only because this addictive concoction of perfect rejuvenation and intense joy had no formula to memorise – we knew it could never be concocted again.

Idle mornings with hot cups of tea, music for the soul, and light-hearted tête-à-têtes became the unspoken ritual. Long, meandering drives through the green landscape, the smell of saltwater, and the flapping on flip-flops came next. There was a variety of ‘Khakra’ to choose from – manchurian, paani-puri, so on and so forth – thanks to one of my boys who came from Baroda. There were wet wipes (thanks to me) to ensure that the kharkra didn’t get into the eyes. There was uninhibited pleasure in the smallest of things. There was no sense of needing to be somewhere, do something or be someone. When tired bones talked after hours of dancing with the waves, we headed to watch the sunset. Another ritual that accentuated the inner calm. Hot showers, and more hot cups of tea. Louder, peppier music and conversations about growing up, growing old and childhood memories that made us. Laughter, stories, fears, secrets and plans. Late night playlists of ‘wish you were here’, ‘billie jean’, ‘on a day like today’ and ‘chocolate’. Midnights that led to early mornings. Early mornings without the alarm and without an agenda. Just more salt, sand, sea and sun. And love of a whole different dimension.

I couldn’t say that I needed a vacation because I needed to get away or needed to relieve pent-up stress. In fact, after what seemed like eternity, I was finally finding my rhythm, singing my songs, and looking forward to making more music as I go along. But I figured, there’s no better time to elevate a high that already exists. It’s like you first take your sad songs and make them better (as The Beatles sang), and then take that happy feeling and make it even better. You take all that love, magic and music, and come back with more, come back to more, come back for more. Like I wrote in an Instagram post “You set a deadline, you follow a timeline. You goal-set. Do the shanbang. And when you know you are all set to light the house on fire, you step back. You know you are finally ready with all the ammunition you’ll ever need. You know you’re gonna make it. So, you take off into the sunset with your people. You do it when you are happy, not because you seek it. It brings you unconditional love, magic and music. And you come back like a freakin’ power-puff girl. Geared for more love, magic and music. Because, back home you already have some saved for you, in an extra special shot glass – with a wedge of lime on the side.”

Today, I think back on this holiday in feelings, pictures, and visions – and subconsciously, I know I have created my next happy place in these memories. The place I go back to in my head when I need to believe.

You are my best friend and we’ve got some shit to shoot!

Best friend, Sofi Tukker

PS: This vacation I decided to take a break from blogging too, and hence no post was published five days ago. At the moment, life’s currents are pulling me in pretty damn strong and I don’t want to promise a post every 5 days – but maybe every week? Let’s see how we can make it work, without taking away from it’s music.

Until next time,

XOXO

Being on Taupe

What this post is about: Eye shadow hacks to help you work those shadows the right way. Simple secrets that will help you attain better results no matter what look you wish to create.

Learning to define the shape of your eyes

The most basic principle behind the perfect eye shadow look is to define the natural shape of your eyes – finding your ‘crease’ – the hollow between your lid and your brow bone – and accentuating it or rather, making it seem like a ‘shadow’ – darker than the rest of the lid. This makes your eyes stand out, and adds dimension to your features. Defining the outer corners, shaping them and blending out the edges is all you need to figure out when it comes to gambling on the shadow table. And the hacks below will make things seem less intimidating!

Hand-held or table-top mirrors

One of the biggest secrets of getting eye shadow right, is being able to view your eye lids at the right angle – especially, if you are an eye shadow virgin. Wall-mounted mirrors will require that you move very close to them, so close that the end of your brush constantly nudges against the mirror. This can be really annoying. A good quality hand-held mirror or better still, a table-top mirror with a swivel functionality is your ideal eye shadow prop. Placing it at an angle below you gives you the perfect view to find your crease and stay within it.

This one from Amazon Basics does my job for me.

Lid primer

Priming lids before using eye shadow is the absolute simplest way to get shadows  to perform better during application. Lid primers help shadows sit tight on your lids for longer, improve their colour pay-off and aid in even application by evening out your skin tone – overall, providing a smoother canvas for your work.

A good lid primer is the Milani Eye Shadow Primer.

Setting concealer or lid primer down

It’s perfectly okay to skip the lid primer and choose to use your everyday concealer as an eye primer. Either way, whatever base product goes on the lids first needs to be set down with a translucent powder or a matte eye shadow that closely matches your skin tone. This is step 2, and equally crucial to have even application of colours that go on top of the setting shadow. This will also ensure that your concealer does not crease, budge or sink into the fine lines around your eyes.

Precise crease brush

The big fluffy brush is your staple companion for any eye shadow look. I often use several (at least 2) of these when I create looks with multiple shades. However, for application of darker colours in the crease, there is nothing as priceless as a precise crease brush. This is still a fluffy brush, but smaller. Some even come tapered, but I prefer the fluffy type as it helps me keep at my windshield wiper motion with better control.

I do not own any luxury brushes – I find that Real Techniques or BH cosmetics brushes are absolutely smashing in quality. BH Cosmetics makes some of the best eye brushes in the drugstore world.

Using Post-it Index notes

Every eye shadow junkie knows this trick. Use sticky notes to ensure that you stay within the lines. The rule of thumb is that the sticky note goes from the outer corner of your eye, oblique, to the outer corner of your eye brow. This way, even if your brush occasionally goes rogue, your sticky note protects the edges of your look. That being said, you will have to blend out the edges, right at the end, with your overall lid shade before your look is complete – basically, to avoid harsh eye shadow lines.

See YouTuber Amelia Liana demonstrate this in all her makeup tutorials.

Using translucent powder to mark the edges

If you can’t be bothered to use sticky notes, use a heap load of translucent powder to draw a line from the outer corner of your eye, oblique, to the outer corner of your eye brow. Once your look is complete, just brush away the excess powder. The advantage with this method is that it helps brush away any fall-out from eye shadows (especially glitters), keeping your base makeup looking flawless. Although, for heavy eye shadow looks, I prefer doing my base makeup after my eye makeup – but, that’s totally up to you.

This also happens to be YouTuber Jaclyn Hill’s favourite eye shadow trick.

Getting the most out of shimmers/glitters

Shimmers, glitters and foils are not the easiest to play with, especially for the newbies. They are difficult to pick-up on brushes, difficult to apply evenly, do not blend as easily as the mattes, tend to have greater fall-out, and tend to be better applied wet – which takes some extra time and effort. But, shimmers make the world go round. So, here’s how it’s done.

Use a glitter primer

For intense glitters, it is wise to use a good glitter primer – especially for loose glitters/pigments. Glitter is often used to highlight the inner corners of the eye – for this, you could dot the glitter primer right on to the inner corner of your eye and pick up the glitter with a tiny pencil brush. Any fall-out may be brushed away with translucent powder.

The NYX Glitter Glue (currently out of stock on Nykaa) is the best amongst all the ones I have used so far.

Use MAC Fix Plus to wet your brush

This is the oldest trick in the book – and MAC Fix Plus is the only one that gets the job done right. Spray some on your shader brush (ideally, a dense one), and dip the wet brush in the shadow. Now, apply to your lids, and see magical beginnings.

Use a makeup wipe to moisten your finger

The only other way to apply shimmers is with your finger. You may do this dry or wet. I always prefer keeping a fresh makeup wipe next to me, rubbing my finger on it and then dipping my finger in the eye shadow to get that intense colour pay-off or foiled effect. This is way more economical than MAC Fix Plus. But, Fix Plus is such a great makeup primer, and you can always count on it for its well-deserved fame in the beauty kingdom.

Keeping a makeup bud handy to correct small mistakes

A makeup bud dipped in some micellar water is such a handy hack for when you go slightly off-the-mark on your eye liner, or go a little bit overboard trying to smoke out those outer corners. Just clean up with precision using the bud, use your concealer brush with what’s left on it to touch up, and dab on some powder. Voila!

Blending basics

A gazillion YT videos will teach you how to blend-blend-blend. But, the basic rule, no matter what look you create, is this – you will start with a base colour for your entire lid (and keep one brush exclusively for it), and for every colour you put on top of it, you will go back into this base colour and rework the edges out – blend away the harsh lines. You will do this every time you pick up another brush, with another colour for your crease/outer corners. This will ensure that you stay within the lines, and keep smoothening out the edges. This is the only secret to absolute flawlessness – hard work – as with everything else in life.

The Lower Lash Line Rule

Eye shadow is not just for the lids. No look is complete until you finish with the lower lash line. The general rule of thumb is this – every colour that you put on your lids will go on the lower lash line in the same order – one on top of the other. However, for colourful/tropical looks, you may have to decide how far you wish to go with this rule. But, for the most part, using the same colours as on the upper lid has a magical effect on the final look – a sort of pulled-together effect. This tip also enhances the shape of your eyes.

Now, you may come at me protesting — what ground can a humble taupe hold over a dark brown, especially when the taupe is under the dark brown? But ladies, what you see on top is always a reflection of what’s within.

Moreover, a taupe is a taupe is a taupe. And there’s nothing like a taupe.

I am certain that no men folk will be reading this post, but just incase – this may be the right time to quickly Google ‘Taupe’.

I said ‘I like being on Taupe‘
For clarity, I added ‘No, it’s neither a position, nor a drug.’

PS: Talk about blog titles being click baits. Got you.

Until next time,

XOXO

Counting Stars

“Always hold this truth to your heart:
whether you are the artist,
the mathematician, the entrepreneur
or the gardener running your
hands through the earth,
nurture your curiosity, do not box yourself in;
read, write, stargaze, solve,
travel, illustrate, compose — explore.
There are an infinite number of worlds 
on this earth, you need only to
set off on the journey.”

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10 September 2017 – Welcome to the Jungle

It was an eventful Sunday evening — if ‘eventful’ can be used to describe the state of affairs in someone’s over thinking head.

I was feeling like an old loaf of bread — catching mould, sitting at the back of the refrigerator shelf — lonely, uncomfortable, cold, rotten, unwanted and close to expiry.

I never liked Sunday evenings. Or rather, I didn’t like everything that goes with them — the Sunday evening state of affairs. My head felt like the 10 kg dumbbell at the gym that I still cannot weight-lift. My reflection in the mirror was a shadow from a distant past — it had my eyes, my features — but, the eyes were looking beyond the mirror — as if looking out into the sea, searching for a lifeline. My body felt betrayed by time. My bones ached with the memories of early motherhood. My skin was all wrinkled up, like a forlorn Pug puppy having been separated from his master. And my mind — well, my mind was a strange place. I was hearing things.

Not sounds, but thick slabs of silence being dragged through the dark.

Haruki Murakami, The Elephant Vanishes

Distortions. Blurred vision. Time warp. Tides of confusion. Raging fire. Radiation and reactions. Premonitions tugging at memories. Memories tugging at premonitions. Skewed electric impulses. Synaptic hijack. Failure to eject. Colourless dreams. Endless circles of trance. Scientific poetry. Silences wrapped in high decibel clamour. Invisible voices. Deep roots growing in deeper soils. Finely honed razor blades. Aliens yanking at heartstrings. Unsettling memories, unfitting spaces, undone buttons. Boulders in space, comets under the sea, raindrops of molten lava. Utterly butterly chaotic.

It was like my mind was eternally PMSing, while my heart was busy hating my guts.

Wearing the inside out had never been my style. But these demons inside my head had to be let out into the night to dance around the fire, to spin straw into gold, to help me find my answers — even if those answers were as hard to spell as Rumplestiltskin. So, out they came. And, dance they did. And slowly but surely, the answers surfaced. They came in forms I wasn’t expecting, in shapes that did not exist, and in people I did not know. And one by one, ever fiber of my being, trapped in this cage, wanted to be freed. No lead roles left to be played in cages anymore. No ghosts waiting to be chased anymore.

Welcome to the jungle, it gets worse here every day – you learn to live like an animal in the jungle where we play 

Welcome to the jungle, Guns N Roses

This was one year ago. One year ago, today. The day that I met an old friend and fell in love.

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15 September 2017 – Shine on you Crazy Diamond

On Friday evening, like soft summer rain falling on all the freshly mowed lawns of the world, my words came in clouds that couldn’t wait to rain their existence on the world — and hence began Mom’s aren’t Gentlemen — a sanctuary of everything sacred to me that I kept going back to every 5 days. It was my muse, my music, my magic. In falling in love with this new distraction, I began falling back in love with myself once again. In sharing my world with a bunch of strangers, I began finding my light again. And suddenly, my strange mind that was hearing things, heard only the melodies being strummed by the invisible strings of the universe. No thick slabs of silence being dragged through the night. No distortions. Only Technicolor dreams. And fluttering hope. And fireflies lighting my nights with their glow. From a tuneless track to a timeless symphony, I could finally hear those invisible voices exclaim ‘this girl’s got rhythm!‘. Or rather, she’s got her rhythm back.

Just when the last grains of the ‘sands of time’ were about to fall through my hourglass, this blog came along and inverted my sand timer. It gave me another chance to fight time. Fight fate. So, with hope and will compressed in me as if I were a pressurized cabin, I made myself believe that my hero had arrived. That it was time to take the plunge — make the dive without mastering the technique, or knowing how to breathe underwater. No life jackets too. Clearly, it was my ‘Fight Club‘ moment — “this is your life and it’s ending one minute at a time”. It was now or never. I had to change. And to say that I did it gracefully, would be to put it so gracefully that I’d be a big fat f$&@ing liar.

It took everything out of me, from me. But, I made a lot of changes. Tough decisions. Uncomfortable conversations. Painful confrontations. I began writing more, reading more, exercising more, eating better, listening to music again, feeling joy again. And through it all, this 5-day deadline of blogging gave me my reasons, my conviction, my purpose. It helped me escape the wrath of my own internal labyrinth. Deep inside, like fossilized specimens, I found priceless bits and pieces of me. I found this friend in me. And this time when I looked into the mirror, those eyes bore into my soul — and just like that, I fell in love with that friend inside me.

This love got me through one year of immaculate blogging — never missing a deadline, never publishing crap, never failing my readers. It got me through criticism when I began, jealousy when I got better, and hypocrisy when there was nothing else left to pull me down. It also brought me unbound joy, inspiration from the blogger community, encouragement from the ones that really cared, and in many ways, helped me understand that blood isn’t always thicker than water. That tectonic plates will shift — you gotta be smart enough to jump over to the next one before quaking into oblivion. Keep hustling. Bustling. Binging. Tripping. Rocking.

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15 September 2018 – Welcome to the Machine

A hundred life lessons later, I’m here today. In one piece. Living, breathing, surviving — like a well-oiled machine — the quintessential hustler. I do my thing, and while I’m at it,  I do my best to keep it beautifully messy. It’s never easy, it’s never perfect — and it definitely isn’t always rewarding. But baby, it’s a long way to the top, if you wanna rock n roll!

If there has been one takeaway from it all, it has been the joy of giving gratitude. For all the things that have been, can be or will be. Giving immense gratitude for you, my readers —we shall meet & greet forever at frequency ‘magic‘. For you, who make sure I eat my meals. For you, who love me when I don’t love myself. For you, my little one, for the sparkle you bring into my eyes. For you, my universe, for always nudging me towards what I seek but do not know. And finally for you, the perfect stranger living inside me — for always believing in my dreams while I’m counting stars. Not days. Not dollars. Not numbers. Only stars.

Everything that kills me, makes me feel alive

Counting Stars, One Republic

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365 days seem shorter when you conquer them 5 days at a time. See you in 5 days from now. Every 5 days.

Until next time,

XOXO

I’ll Take Mine With Some Extra Spice

Review: Soph X Revolution Extra Spice Eye Shadow Palette with swatches, and two eye shadow looks – Sunset Glam and Midnight Grunge.

She’s back. Bigger. Better. Spicier.

Yes! SophDoesNails, the gorgeous YouTuber, is back with yet another collaboration from Makeup Revolution London — another mind-blowing eye shadow palette that has looks to kill, shades to die for, and promises that will take you to your seventh heaven, your cloud number nine, your garden of Eden. This time however, the shade selection is bolder, sassier, and grungier with fewer neutrals and more warm, dark, and colourful shadows. In comparison to her older palette (see a full review here), this palette contains only 18 shadows — 6 shimmers and 12 mattes. This palette has the shade names written under each pan — a feedback from the older palette that was obviously taken into consideration while creating this one — leaving space for only 18 shadows as opposed to 24 in the older palette.

The palette in rose gold with matte pink lettering (reverse of her previous palette), is gorgeous enough to frame or display on your makeup counter. It is compact, sleek, shiny, and comes with a beautiful, full-sized mirror inside. Just looking at it makes me happy, hitting the right buttons in my brain — like hot chilli in a Mexican rice bowl. This palette, as the name suggests, is the extra spice to all my makeup — standing out from everything I own and yet being versatile enough to use for almost any occasion. If Soph created another one of these, or maybe even ten — I’d get them all.

The palette echoes summer in all its glorious beauty — sunset tones and hot chilli vibes, with a few cool-toned shades for the girl who loves her blue undertones. Infinity is an incredibly pigmented, bright silver shimmer and Brownies is a rare, cool-toned, dark brown matte which is my most loved shadow from the entire palette. There are some bold Burgundys and Plums, as well as some Khaki colours — such a graceful assortment of grunge and glam — resonating with Soph’s distinctive style and personality, and perfect to complement her love for nude lips. With this palette, she has most definitely been loyal to her soul — and to a large extent, to mine too.

As with the older palette, some mattes do not swatch as intensely as the shimmers — but since this palette mainly comprises dark colours, only one matte shadow – a light yellow called Vitamin C – lacks colour-pay off while swatching and needs some building up even on the lids. LA Sun – a yellow gold shimmer, is probably the most pigmented shade in the palette. The shadows are all smooth, creamy and buttery in texture. Most shades are justifiably pigmented, have fantastic lasting power and blend effortlessly. The shimmers are intense, especially if used damp as foils with MAC Fix plus or with a wet brush. The shimmers also last the longest on the lids, and surprisingly, have minimum fall-out. One suggestion though — since this palette is all about the drama, it is preferable to do your eye makeup before the rest of the face. This way, you get some leeway to correct any mistakes, and can avoid reworking the under eyes with concealer or translucent powder after doing your eyes.

The shade names are basic, nothing too innovative — they seem to be somewhat of a mix of Soph’s favourite foods and a heap load of Taylor Swift references. Not essentially my poison, but then what’s in a name after all? Moreover, if I ever created an eye shadow palette, I would most certainly name one Crazy Diamond, one Serendipity, and one other Pizza – or something like that.

Top Row

Everyday – very pale purple with a white shift duo-chrome finish, Running Late – matte carrot orange, Infinity – silver, metallic finish, Cheesecake – matte chestnut brown, Cookie Dough – matte soft brown & Dreams – warm champagne shimmer.

Middle Row

Vitamin C – matte canary yellow, Sweet N Sour – electric matte orange, Twenty One – matte cerise pink, Romance – burgundy shimmer with a pink shift, Enchanted – matte wine purple & Lakes – dark olive green matte.

Bottom Row

Brownies – deep brown matte, Chocolate Orange – sienna brown matte, Mulled Wine – red violet matte, LA Sun – gold shimmer, Aurora – khaki green shimmer & Reputation – charcoal black matte with a slight green undertone.

Overall, the extra spice palette is an absolute stunner — bold and vibrant with such a great variety of colours, and plenty to choose from no matter what look you wish to create. It lacks generosity in terms of neutral, nude colours and you may not be able to create a completely natural eye shadow look with this baby. But, that does not bother me, because Soph’s older palette has two full rows dedicated to the nudes (sounds strange, I know) — so I am not complaining. I suppose this palette is not targeted at the simple, safe, buttoned-up girl on the outside, but the wild child that plays poker in her heart — so if you fit the bill, you will most definitely love this palette.

LOOK 1 : Sunset Glam

Shades used: Overall lid colour Cookie Dough; Crease colours in the outer lid Sweet & Sour, Twenty One, Mulled Wine and Enchanted in the same order as mentioned here, blending out edges each time with Cookie Dough; Inner lid Vitamin C, followed by LA Sun (using MAC Fix Plus); Inner corner and brow bone highlights Everyday mixed with LA Sun; Lower lash line Sweet & Sour, Twenty One, Mulled Wine and Enchanted; Eyeliner Still Smudge Stick in Moray. Finally, topped off with some black kohl and mascara.
Lip Colour: Chambor Matte Lip Crayon in Aztec Brick (orangish brick with gold shimmer)
Ideal for: Music/Coachella-ish Festivals, Havana dance nights, Theme parties

LOOK 2: Midnight Grunge

Shades used: Overall lid shade Cookie Dough mixed with Chocolate Orange; Crease colours in the outer lid Lakes, followed by Reputation, blending out edges each time with Cookie Dough; Inner lid Aurora (using MAC Fix Plus); Inner corner and brow bone highlights LA Sun; Lower lash line Chocolate Orange, Lakes, Reputation. Finally, topped off with LA Girl Glide Gel Liner in Deep Bronze, and some mascara.
Lip Colour: Wet n Wild Catsuit Liquid Lipstick in Rebel Rose (cool-toned, dull rose pink)
Ideal for: Sophisticated glam outfits (suits, jumpsuits, LBDs, gowns), late nights, Evening events, Live tributes to Grunge music (or Nirvana nights at home)

As an after thought, I have to admit that these are probably the best quality eye shadows that Makeup Revolution London as ever created. I love it when bloggers inspire brands to become better versions of themselves — be it Kathleen Lights X Colorpop, Jaclyn Hill X Morphe or Soph X Revolution. I take pride in our community. Immesnse pride.

Until next time,

XOXO

Come Into my World

Come into my world
And you’ll find me
Chasing my demons
Fighting my shadows,
You’ll see the soul
That is just a memory
Of what it used to be.

You’ll see the eyes
That lie like no other
Of a truth that shivers
With past reverberations,
You’ll see a heart
Martyred a long time ago
For reasons that never were
For those that didn’t exist.

You’ll see a strength,
A voice echoing like silence
From tired bones, open wounds
Through a mercury so dense.
You’ll find dreams disguised
As words of wisdom
In prose, poetry and prayer,
As a flock of uncaged birds
Set free over a city of ruins.

You’ll see conviction
From caverns too dark,
To lights that run in tandem
Through me and my faith,
Engulfed in a white smoke
Glaring too stark.

You’ll see sore spots
Of faces that were,
Of business unfinished,
Of bitter bygones,
And bridges that burnt.

You’ll see nonchalance
In smiles, and shrugs
And veils of sheer duress,
A classic act onstage
Of living in an endless maze.

You’ll see arrogance
Crouching in a hidden cave,
In a darkness of disdain
Aftermaths of time at stake,
Only to surface again
And protect my fortress
From prying eyes
And crocodiles in wake.

You’ll see a blind faith
That came uninvited,
Barging right through;
The squatter in my home
Accounting for what I’m due.

You’ll see joy
That wages wars to stay
Unscathed and awake,
While creatures of the night
Come out to play.

You’ll see hope and despair
Partners in crime,
Slaves of the division bell,
Holding on for dear life
At the cliff edge of time.

And finally, you’ll see love
Not as a comeback,
Not as a setback,
But as a reason, as a will,
To take into embrace
All that’s out of whack.
To take with me in every breath
To my Neverland,
Where losing myself
And finding myself
Are one and the same –
Like life and death
In a last dance by the embers
Of an eternal flame.

A moonshine not so radiant,
A duststorm not too faraway,
A sea of corals without colour,
A dawn without its day,
A barter of blood for the sun –
This is me, dusted and done.

So, now you see a mask,
A cloud, a wall, a smoke
A lie, a farce, a fleece
You see it all,

But you can never really tell
If it was me or someone
You saw passing you by,
Nothing but a stranger,
Nothing but a memory,
Nothing but a vaccum,
Nothing but a story.

Most everything you think you know about me is nothing more than memories.

Haruki Murakami, A Wild Sheep Chase

PS: I recently fished out an old diary that has some poems and thoughts from a younger, more inspired me. I hope to share some here — this is the first. Not exactly the merriest, but something to remind me that life is beautiful now. Something to also remind me that this was always my calling.

Until next time,
XOXO

Sunset in a Pan

Review: Soph X Makeup Revolution Palette with swatches, and three eye shadow looks – ‘Soft Grunge’, ‘Berry Glam’, and ‘Warning Up’.

If you aren’t the ardent YouTube buff, then let me introduce you to SophDoesNails, a UK YouTuber who mainly focuses on UK drugstore makeup, wins her audience with her disarming, honest, humble, and relatable personality, and is known for her grungy yet glam twist on makeup. SophDoesNails collaborated with Makeup Revolution London to create this 24 eye shadow palette which includes some of her signature shades — she also talks about her inspiration for creating this palette in a YouTube video. Well, you have to admit, there is something so soothing about watching someone else do makeup! I sure feel inspired just looking at the shade selection in this palette!

The matte peachy packaging with rose gold lettering is totally on trend (KKW Beauty, Fenty Beauty, Gigi Hadid X Maybelline); the palette also comes with a generously-sized mirror inside. A clear insert contains all the shade names, but with 24 shades and no names written on the pan, it can be confusing to refer to the insert — what could be more challenging is to not lose it!

The palette has 24 pans in all (14 mattes and 10 shimmers) with a mixture of warm and cool neutrals, rusty oranges, reds, purples and some grungy greens — something for everyone in there — some shimmers are dense with glitter particles and may even be applied damp as foils. Soph reckons that some shades in the palette can be used as eyebrow powders (Pug for those with fair to dark blonde hair, Mug Cake or Rosewood for those with brown hair, and Nightmare for those with black hair). Essentially, the palette can be divided into 3 sets of 2 columns each — the first two columns may be used to create warm, bold looks, the next two columns may be used to create cooler, grungy or smokey looks, and the last two columns have your everyday matte nudes and dark browns.

You can create any number of looks with this palette. I particularly love the matte, warm neutrals in the palette. The days I feel especially daring, I go all out with Mixed Berries, Petrol (contains irridescent glitter! yay!) or Pine Tree applied with some Fix Plus. Grow old, Smokey Bronze and Copper Coin are so gorgeous for evening looks (insanely pigmented too) — these are the rose gold, bronze and copper shimmers of your dreams! Mug Cake, Rosewood and Nightmare are perfect for lining the waterline or for a creating a smoked out eyeliner effect. Fairy Lights and Pink Champagne can be used as brow bone and inner corner highlights — although these aren’t my favourite for the job (still prefer the top row of my Morphe 35F palette – and that’s only because I’m a picky bitch).

All-in-all, this palette is extremely versatile, the shade selection is well thought-out, and the palette is very affordable for the number and quality of shadows in it. It definitely gives some of the more expensive palettes a run for their money! It is worth noting that this palette is also cruelty-free, gluten-free, and vegan-friendly. Such a pretty pretty palette, this one!

Some of the matte shades do not swatch as intensely as the shimmers (Pug, Iced Coffee, and Cuppa Tea in particular), which is typical. However, they hold up well on the lids. The shimmers are best applied with the fingers or with a dense, wet brush. The shimmers are slightly more difficult to blend compared to the mattes. The matte shades blend effortlessly with a big fluffy brush or a precise crease brush. The longevity and intensity of the shadows is great with a lid primer, and overall their lasting power is phenomenal. Most shades are well-pigmented, although they do have some kick-off. This doesn’t really bother me as they sit happy on the lids, blend easily, and take me through the night. Ideal for travel because of the huge mirror inside, the variety of neutral shades, and the convenience of going from a day look to a night look within one sleek, compact palette.

Top row

• Penguin- matte white
• Pancakes- light neutral matte
• Fairy lights- white shimmer
• Pink champagne- light pink shimmer
• Iced coffee- matte light warm neutral
• Cuppa tea- warm light brown matte

Second row

• Grow old- glittery shimmery gold/bronze
• Sparks fly- glittery shimmery gold
• Smokey bronze- glittery shimmery dark bronze
• Mixed berries- glittery shimmery magenta purple
• Tiramisu- neutral matte medium brown
• Peaches- light matte peach

Third Row

• Cloudberry- light matte orange
• Pumpkin- matte reddy orange
• Pine Tree- metallic moss green
• Petrol- iridescent blue/brown shimmer
• Pug- neutral matte grey brown
• Danger- matte brick red

Bottom Row

• Strawberry sweets- matte strawberry pink
• Festive flame- metallic shimmery pink/copper
• Copper coin- metallic shimmery orange/copper
• Mugcake- dark neutral matte brown
• Rosewood- dark grey pink matte
• Nightmare- matte black

No matter what eyeshadow mood you are in, this palette’s got you covered, love.

LOOK 1 – SOFT GRUNGE

Shades used: All over lid shade Iced Coffee mixed with Cuppa Tea; transition/crease shade Tiramisu, Outer lid Petrol; Inner lid Copper Coin (teeny bit); inner corner and brow bone highlights Fairy Lights; lower lash line Cuppa Tea, followed by Tiramisu, followed by Petrol on a pencil brush sprayed with MAC Fix Plus. Topped up with black Kohl and Mascara.
Lip Colour: MAC Liptensity in Smoked Almond
Ideal for: Evenings out, Rainy days, Candle light dinners, Road Trips, Bachelorettes

LOOK 2 : BERRY GLAM

Shades used: Overall lid shade Peaches; transition/crease shades Peaches mixed with Tiramisu; centre of the lids Mixed Berries; outer lid Mug Cake (teeny bit in the crease); inner corner and brow bone highlights Fairy lights; lower lash line Peaches, followed by Tiramisu, followed by Mug Cake. Topped up with black Kohl and Mascara.
Lip Colour: NYX Lip Lingerie in Exotic
Ideal for: Date nights, Romantic evenings, First Kisses (the lipstick will not budge), Neutral outfits, Weddings, Watching Princess Diaries

LOOK 3 : WARMING UP

Shades used: Overall lid shade Pug; transition/crease shades Tiramisu and a teeny bit of Danger; inner lid Sparks Fly, inner corner and brow bone highlights Fairy Lights, lower lash line Pug, followed by Tiramisu. Topped up with black Kohl and Mascara.
Lip Colour: NYX Lip Lingerie in Seduction
Ideal for: Office, Coffee dates, Family gatherings, Pyjama parties, Everyday self-love

I was lucky enough to get my hands on the SophXRevolution Extra Spice palette before it went out of stock everywhere. Review coming up soon — once I’ve played around with it a wee bit more. Turn on, tune in, and drop out to find out more.

Until next time,

XOXO

Moms aren’t Gentlemen

 

“I don’t know — maybe the world has two different kinds of people, and for one kind the world is this completely logical, rice pudding place, and for the other it’s all a hit-or-miss macaroni gratin.”

Haruki Murakami, The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle

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Prologue

I sit next to my son, while he scoops up heaps of sand in his tiny palms, feeling frustrated as the grains slip between his little fingers no matter how hard he tries to hold on to this futile process. The sand falls back to the ground and, like lost time, becomes part of what’s already there. His tiny brain processes this idea of wanting to achieve something in a certain way, but being unable to do so, sends out signals in the form of frowny faces, angry fists and high-frequency shrieks. I look at him in amusement, making a mental note to cut his fingernails as soon as we get home.

For that moment in time, he takes me away from the frustration that’s going into torrid flames deep inside me. My mind in torn between wanting to absorb this present moment and not allowing the recent past to devour my near future. Even as I want to be really angry (because of something completely unrelated), my mommy brain wants to marvel at the intensity and expression of his anger. And I can’t help but wonder how contrastingly strange is the nature of our emotions — his frustration — short-lived and silly — comes from a place of innocence and unwordliness, unlike mine that swarms with a complex amalgamation of all things worldly and disgustingly grown-up. Suddenly, I want to barter my brain for his — this easygoing transition between hysterical bouts of laughter and tiny white teeth gritting with irreproachable anger. I want to stop heeding to this raging sense of insult bubbling inside my layers — even though the insult isn’t really mine to bear. But, being the slightly over-the-top, patriotic fool that I am, I take some things very personally. But even as these thoughts consume me in varying degrees of distaste, a silent calm hovers over our little bubble — where my son plays in happy abandon and I watch him, hypnotized by his simple expectations of joy. Not wanting to pop the bubble yet, I let my anxiety take a backseat for a few minutes. I let my words crouch soundlessly in the corner of time — taking in all the glory from this moment that will be nothing more than memories in a few minutes.

The National Anthem Saga

Call me a dreamer, but I always imagined a wonderful world — the one that Louis Armstrong sings about. “I hear babies crying, I watch them grow – they’ll learn much more than I’ll ever know – and I think to myself what a wonderful world”. And I believe this world does exist, despite what we see, what we hear and what we feel. I believe in the good things in life. And yet, that true believer in me sometimes feels a helpless sense of loss — loss of wisdom and virtue while I see parents around me trying so hard to mould their younglings. I am by no means the perfect parent and don’t know much about how to get a child to listen to you without begging, bribing or threatening — I do it all and it works just fine when distraction doesn’t (I bake my own cupcakes so I can bribe all I want). I may not be the bookish mom, or even the mom that doesn’t swear, but I do know how to do one thing right — I know how to make a good human being (which includes being a proud citizen) from 1 foot and 6 pounds of boundless joy (and mayhem). I know I will always try to teach my child (read monster) to be a kind human before aiming to be anything else — or I shall obligingly die trying.

But before curiosity kills the cat, let me tell you what brought on the regurgitation of these complex, heated emotions. Last evening, as we counted to twenty, swinging on our usual blue swing in the park, a loud group of young boys came to play in the park close to us. This enthusiastic bunch was followed close behind by a group of moms (their moms I would think), chattering and giggling with animated faces and hand gestures that beat even mine. The moms parked their bottoms instinctively on a bench nearby and continued their high-frequency banter while the boys began playing on the slides and some even joined us on the nearby swings. But suddenly, I noticed something very strange. Like a cluster of bees buzzing in unison, they were all singing the national anthem. Actually, they were screaming it — and saying all the words wrong, almost mocking it. I winced, aghast at the scene — nobody seemed to know that they ought to stand in attention while singing the national anthem. It was the very first thing we were taught back in school. Instantly, I was teleported to my childhood days and to the only reason why we hated those uniform short skirts. As we stood in attention at the morning prayers and assembly, anyone who giggled or tried to make petty conversation was promptly whacked with the stick on the calves. Especially, during the national anthem. And to this day, when the national anthem is played in movie theatres, I stand in attention and let the melody of our anthem bring me those goosebumps. But, snapping back to the present, I sense that something here is irrationally askew. The mothers don’t seem to notice, and those that do, don’t seem to care. And for a while, I feel a little confused and almost a little sad. Is it my place to intervene? But then, is it okay to allow the youth of tomorrow to believe that the national anthem is just another song? That it isn’t attached to national integrity, solemnity, sacrifice, and respect.

I tell myself that these children are no more than 7-10 years old. They don’t understand what these concepts mean, what the words of the anthem signify, or why it is sung at several solemn occasions. But, I would think that their mothers do. I would think that education, knowledge, and sensitization begin at home — that a mother is the first teacher — the most impressionable one. That, for a child, her words are always words written in stone — the final verdict, the last call, the only truth. And yet, I see this bunch of moms, turning a blind eye to this frivolous recitation of a poem written in the deepest faith by a true legend. I count to ten, I shut my eyes, I purse my lips hard — but the words inside my mouth are forming like huge, unwavering waves about to hit a rocky shore. Finally, with all the composure I can muster — I tell the children in a kind and firm voice that the national anthem should not be made fun of and that one must stand in attention while singing it no matter when, where or how. My words tumble out louder than I intended — the authority in them addressing the mothers rather than the little ones. The children look at me like I am some unscrupulous, hopeless excuse for a human being. They laugh at me mockingly and continue screaming the national anthem, this time doing jumping jacks and running in circles. All this while, the mothers have been watching in silence. And like a crass internal battle that has just been won, they now smirk at me and then smugly at one another. I watch it all in horror, in dismay, in a sort of senseless pain — and finally, in resignation. I decide that this is not my war to fight; I accept that I can change only what is inside me and not what isn’t.

“There’s another world that parallels our own, and to a certain degree you’re able to step into that other world and come back safely. As long as you are careful. But go past a certain point and you’ll lose the path out. It’s a labyrinth. But the principle for the labyrinth is inside you. And that correlates to the labyrinth outside.”

I am reminded of this reciprocal metaphor from a book that is, in most likelihood, a part of my soul (Kafka on the Shore). And in that moment, I just let it all go. I gently scoop up my son in my arms, and start humming ‘Seasons in the Sun‘ while I walk back home. My mind is working overtime, consumed by this deathly cocktail of emotions. But eventually, I find my centre, the familiar part of my labyrinth. I’m not sure there is a lesson here, or even a story worth telling. But I do know this — being a firm believer in one thing, allowing it to be your guiding principle or letting it define your identity is as much a strength as it is a flaw. Because in the world where we will all finally live someday — that neutral place between life and death — the limbo — there is no right or wrong, no light or dark, no hurt or pain — just a calm sense of having lived a full live and transitioning into another lost world. So while I’m here, I’ll learn to let go, to smile it away, kiss it away, hug it out. And I’ll live to fight another day.

Epilogue

That being said, I never feel like I want to be anything else or anyone else but me — even when I don’t fit into the herd. The odd, eccentric Aquarian in me still feels soulful and content with her tribe of nonsense people — never the popular one with the huge circle of friends, or the one that shares her space with the world — I’m my very own private island, with my very own lighthouse and sunsets. And books. And unending kettles of tea. And so it was never a ‘faint in surprise‘ situation when I was anything but the popular mom. Disliked for being blunt, bitched about for being almost too unsocial, and always the mom who was the least relatable, most unstirred by public opinion, and always content to live in a happy place in her mind — this post may have caused some mom friends (moms who are friends who talk about their kids, mostly) to disappear from my life. I can’t say I’ll miss them — well, maybe if someday I need humans for company. But, in the meantime, nobody should feel obliged to hold their breaths.

“We are all kind of weird, and twisted and drowning.”

Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood

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Until next time,

XOXO

Not Worth the Hype

What this post is about — mini reviews of my top 5 most disappointing beauty purchases from recent times.

Dwelling on the negative isn’t my style, but learning from it definitely is. This post will be my first ever ‘not worth the hype‘ kind of post. I always prefer writing about things I love to do, to feel, to use, or to experience. However, with some things, you expect your experience to be at a certain level of satisfaction — but, when that fails to happen, you feel let down, somehow. Everything is relative after all — time, pain, success, perceptions, expectations.

For instance, I love every other product from the L.A Girl HD Pro range (see an old review here) except the one I have mentioned below. Nykaa as a brand that’s born and bred in India brings me immense pride, and most of their launches have been phenomenal (see some reviews here, here, and here), and yet their eye shadow palettes turned out to be complete duds. I was blown away by the Gigi Hadid X Maybelline collection when it was launched, and feared that it would be limited edition (see my review here), but felt utterly disappointed with their lip liners. Also, with some of my favourite drugstore brands — brands that I feel I understand — I expect a certain quality, a certain understanding of their audience, and of what competition they must expect with the launch of a particular product. Which means to say that these products may not be all that bad, but they certainly should be beating expectations, rather than not living up to them.

Without further ado, let me get into some mini reviews of my top 5 most disappointing products from recent times.

Mini Disclaimer first — If you use or love any of these products, understand that beauty is like finding love — every product is beautiful in somebody’s eyes and every product is not everyone’s soul mate. If you love it, by all means, rock it. These are things that just didn’t do it for me.

L.A Girl Liquid Lipsticks 

I was fighting an internal war, trying to decide whether these liquid lipsticks should be included in this post or not — because I use them often, and I love the shade selection — but there is so much about them that I abhor, so much I would do differently, and so much more that I had expected from these, that finally, they had to be here. I had to bitch about them.

It’s like this — I am standing at the edge of time, and fate gives me two choices — I get to choose between these lipsticks or no lipsticks at all — and I choose them without a flicker of doubt. Which means to say that they aren’t so bad that I’d rather not wear any lipstick at all. But, having said that, they come with some serious relationship bargains — that toxic, love-hate, make up-breakup, hot-n-cold, confused yet consumed sort of situation — the perfect example of a ‘complicated‘ FB relationship status .

Firstly, Fleur is a beautiful orangey, peachy nude (see an older review here). Dreamy is way too much of a concealer nude on my skin tone. Timeless is a cool-toned purple mauve that I dare to wear when I feel like I can walk it, rock it. The darker shades are best to avoid as the application of these lipsticks is streaky, uneven and not very opaque. They are thicker than your average liquid lipsticks and are extremely drying, flaky and uncomfortable to wear. They cannot be layered, because the only thing that looks good crumbly, is an apple pie! Moreover, if like me, you purse your lips every 5 seconds, then there will be some irrevocable mess around the lip area. Trust me, you do not want that. But, there’s a but. I still wear Fleur all the time — guilty as charged. What I do is this — I wear a nude, deeply moisturizing lip crayon underneath it to make it less drying (I use the Nykaa Mattelicious lip crayon in Next Level Nude – see a review/swatch here).

In conclusion, we have a strange relationship — a can’t-live-with-can’t-live-without one. I’ll leave the rest for you to decide — whether you want to get involved or not.

Kiko Milano Smart Hydrating Foundation

Kiko Milano has been recently launched in India and is available for purchase at Nykaa. Known world over for their eye shadow sticks, palettes and singles, and for their extra sculpt volume mascara, Kiko Milano isn’t the most affordable drugstore brand in the Indian beauty market – however, their products have a reputation of always being worth the hype. I haven’t tried many products from the brand but was looking to replace my L.A Girl Pro HD BB Cream with a similar, slightly more high coverage, hydrating foundation — and the Smart Hydrating Foundation by Kiko Milano seemed to fit perfectly into my needs. Priced reasonably, and with a huge variety of shades, I was really looking forward to fall in love with this daily wear foundation.

However, the first time I tried using it with my regular stippling brush, it did not blend well at all. I could feel my brush tugging at my skin, unable to provide smooth application. It clung on to dry patches and accentuated pores, applied unevenly, dried too fast, looked pale and cakey post application, and the final finish had a typical, artificial foundation feel to it. It also oxidised on me after a while, and gave me a mild skin rash (and a few tiny break-outs). Safe to say that we parted ways soon after.

I am in the shade Warm Rose 30.

L.A Girl HD Pro Setting Powder

This has been by far my most disappointing purchase of all time. Not because it was too expensive or wasn’t great in quality, but simply because the entire Pro HD range from L.A Girl has been absolutely smashing. I have been using products from this range for over a year now, have repurchased them often and have never found reasons to find replacements for them — they are my dearest staples (see my review here). So, it was only obvious that I had really high expectations from this setting powder that were anything but met.

The setting powder (in shade translucent) comes extremely finely milled, to the extent that when you ever so gently dip your brush in it, it dusts all over the place, and disappears into thin air. The little bit that deposits on your face has a powdery feel to it, that doesn’t do anything to set your foundation or concealer in place (you try to stay still as a statue while you apply it, in the fear that the little product remaining on your brush may wither away if you move) — constantly getting into your nostrils and instigating one sneeze after another. If you apply too much in one place, it leaves a white cast, and while you try to distribute it evenly on your face, it does the classic disappearing act AGAIN. This isn’t the first translucent powder I have used, so I know that this can’t be me not being able to cope with the drama! This product has a heavy cosmetic feel and smell to it — not something I can put my finger on but surely something that doesn’t feel natural on the skin.

For a long time, I had shoved this powder deep into the back of my makeup cabinet, because looking at it would drive me crazy. I would have accepted it all had it been a powder that could at least be picked up on a brush and applied to the face. I feel like if a powder won’t do even that, then really, there’s nothing to talk about here. Am I right or am I right!?

Nykaa Wink It! Eye Shadow Palette

Most brands cannot do eye shadows to satisfaction, but then most brands do not launch mind-blowing make-up one after another — so when Nykaa launched these eye shadow palettes, I was as curious as the neighbourhood cat to get my hands on them. I chose the nude palette Dare to Bare (it comes in two other variants – Smokin’ hot and Crazy in Love) But, the moment I looked at the palette, I knew there was something wrong.

This palette has 6 tiny, shimmer eye shadows, which on swatching, all look pretty much the same. One swipe on the finger brings no pigmentation at all; the shade selection has no meaning; and no matte shadows means that there is hardly anything you can do with them. All 6 shadows, after a lot of brush dips, deposit somewhat of a dull sheen on the lids that fades into nothing in a couple of hours. No colour-pay off or lasting power whatsoever. They claim to be wet and dry shadows, but using Fix Plus to apply them didn’t seem to be making any magic. This one’s got to be the most disappointing one of my top 5. I was almost crushed to see Nykaa creating something that they knew was not worth it. I rest my case.

Gigi Hadid X Maybelline Lip Liner

I know, I know. A lot of beauty bloggers love these lip liners — and for good reason. The packaging is beautiful, the pigmentation is just fine, the lasting power is decent and they are extremely affordable. But, here lies my problem — Taura, Erin and Mccall — all the nude shades, look like ash on my lips. Yes, like I ate a lot of ash and forgot to rinse. I am not sure if these colours are meant to flatter only Caucasian skin — in which case, launching them in India makes absolutely no sense to me. Anyhow, if you are keen on trying these, steer clear of the nudes, experiment with the reds (Khair or Austyn).

Don’t get me wrong — I love love love everything else from the Gigi Hadid X Maybelline collection. I only wish that these lip liners came in shades that were more universally flattering. But since this is a shade issue and not a quality qualm, I’ll let this one pass. Forgiven and forgotten. Done and Dusted.

1709 words and a lot of sad, long sighs later, it’s finally time to say goodbye.

P.S: Wearing my new favourite nude lip in these pictures – MAC Liptensity in Smoked Almond. Present handbag staple.

Until next time,

XOXO

Flying Without Wings

I think of rivers, of tides. Forests and water gushing out. Rain and lightening. Rocks and shadows. All of these are in me.
Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore

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In many ways, freedom is often misunderstood as something that is controlled by an external source in our lives — a person, a situation, a condition, a compromise, a regret. But more often than not, being truly free is a part of self acceptance and self-realization. Being free-willed, free-spirited and free-hearted are very often in our control. And freedom — to think, speak, act or be, springs from this inner sense of being truly free. We are all born with the wings that give us flight, but seldom do we recognize the need to explore a new territory, question a comfortable existence or challenge ourselves to the unknown. We let the wings fade away with time, melt away with each warm summer — believing they are too frail, too incompetent. But there comes a time, when you realize that you have only two choices — to fly away or fade away — so you work on those broken wings, or simply learn to fly without them. Your spirit comes alive like sunshine peeking through a blanket of dark clouds, your will finds a strength that is marred by no amount of soul thrashing, and your heart is etched with a deep blue tattoo of that new truth, that fresh beginning.

As women of today, as women who are constantly under the pressure of making themselves empowered, liberated, and successful — somewhere, we have begun to lose the essence of our inner grace, the earnest meaning of being truly free, and the maturity of thought and action that come with this freedom. We are fighting the currents too hard, raising our voices too soon, asking the questions before we need to know the answers, and believing that in doing so — we are moving forward when sometimes, we are just not ready within our minds, bodies and our souls to walk that path. We simply follow the voices we hear, like a drill — never really prepared for when the drill turns into a real firefight.

We confuse concepts, understanding only half the truth, solving only part of the puzzle, ingesting only one triangle of pizza calories. But when the time comes to finally look into the mirror, we see parts of us we don’t recognize — parts we made because we had to rather than having wanted to. We find it impossible to relate to our inner selves, like it is you doing these things — but you aren’t really there. Like there’s a lunatic running free in your mind, driving your car, sleeping in your bed, and eating your carbs. The day you stop identifying with yourself is the day your sense of being free is strangely holding you down, blurring your vision. And yet, taming that free-will and guarding that free-spirit is the only way to have the cake and eat it too.

Whether you are the 9 to 5 office-goer, the stay-at-home or work-from-home mommy, the weekend party hopper, the compulsive bridesmaid, the girl next door or the dress-up drama queen — you have a soul that is free by its own will. Your wings are waiting for you to take off into the sunset — but only when you are ready. Only when you find your free-spirit to be controlled by nothing else, and nobody else but your zest for life. Only when you test yourself, give yourself the chances to fail, and accept that to be truly free, you must define where your happiness lies. You must quantify it, break rules if you have to, cross borders if you need to, bleed if you’ve got to. Remember, freedom will always come at a hefty cost.

It will require that you use your discretion, without selling your soul to the aliens. It will require that your boundaries protect you, your loved ones believe in you and your dreams come chasing after you even when you think you’ve been burned alive. It will certainly require a will made of steel, a heart open to ache, and a mind hungry for conflict. Nobody warned you that being young, wild and free would take so much practice — so much control.

But, in time, whatever you decide to be or become, you must look the part, play the part and live the part until the day it begins to mould your identity. Let the free-thinker, true believer, and heart warmer in you be the traits that define your real freedom. Set yourself free inside, and everything outside of your own being will shift tides to catch your wave.

“…Yeah Darlin’ go make it happen
Take the world in a love embrace…”
Born to be wild, Steppenwolf

And that thought brings me to the end of this post. Last but not the least, this post was conceived and conceptualized in collaboration with Voylla Fashion Jewellery. Crafted and designed on the basis of a women’s campaign that proudly celebrates women for looking their part, being themselves and finding themselves through the varied roles they play in their lives, this brand represents the true free-spirit of every woman. This Independence Day, inspired by several art forms across India, Voylla inspires freedom through their Republic of Jewellery campaign — a collection that spans creative art forms across all Indian states. This collection is now available for purchase in their online shop and their stores across India.

Find below, the links for all the jewellery I am wearing in this post. Although this is a sponsored post, all ideas, thoughts and creative concepts are exclusively mine.

Earrings from the Kantha collection – https://studio.voylla.com/campaign/kantha-jewelry-collection

Earrings from the Chikankari collection – https://www.voylla.com/campaign/chikankari-collection

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Like a true nature’s child, we were born, born to be wild.
Happy Independence day.

Until next time,

XOXO

Secret Conversations

Whatever it is you are seeking, won’t come in the form you are expecting.
Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore

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Every now and then, you come to those crossroads – that fork in the narrow, meandering, unpredictable, forest trail of your being. A walk that began as an aimless journey and a hopeless quest for fulfilment and finding yourself, soon begins to get crowded — with people, emotions, situations, complications, choices, and decisions. A walk to remember that should have been all about you, becomes a hotspot for every other lost soul facing the same fears. It’s these common insecurities that bring you together, and before you know it, you aren’t walking alone anymore. In a dark forest, with a moonlit path, strange sounds for company, and the faint, inquisitive smells of all things living and dead, you light each other’s nights with your glow, and this Neverland becomes your safe haven — your comfortable bedding. Every day you live, you survive, you overcome, you conquer.

But soon, you begin to miss waking up to a quiet dawn, a sunrise you won’t need to share, a day you could conquer on your very own. A memory of that walk to remember now comes gnawing at you, and suddenly you wish to run away from the crowd. You wish to walk alone — with the birds singing, the light filtering through the trees, the eerie sounds of silence filling your nights, and waking up to a bed that has no one side to call your own. As you begin running, you realize you cannot — will not — go back. Breathless, and yet full of wonder, you finally come to those crossroads. They aren’t your first, and they certainly won’t be your last.

You stand at that fork in the trail — not knowing what you seek ahead, not knowing what you expect, not knowing what you might find. But, you stand there in awe and amazement — there’s a strange thrill in knowing that no matter what path you embrace, you have nothing to lose — that you are on your own, winning or losing only to yourself, accountable and answerable only to yourself, falling and pulling up your socks all by yourself. So you walk, willing to keep one foot in front of the other till infinity and beyond. You believe in miracles, in full moons, in magic spells, and in cats falling from the sky. You believe in the absolute surreal moments of time. You feel empowered to juggle whatever life throws at you — thunder, heartbreaks, loss, dilemma, love, failure.

But whatever it is that you are seeking, won’t come in the form you are expecting — because mostly, you are unaware of what you really seek, what you miss, what you need, and what may really complete you. So one fine day, as you lay still on the familiar turf of your being, closing your eyes and waiting for sleep to take you in, your marvel arrives. The universe secretly conspires for you, as you take in all the light your marvel brings. You don’t know it yet, but this light will guide you, warm you, free you and watch over you.

Your marvel may look different from my marvel — just as your reasons for running away have been different from mine, your walk to remember has been different from mine, as has been the path you journeyed. And yet, we all seek our own marvels, knowingly or unknowingly — to bring us back from our Neverlands, to sit beside us while we get lost, to know where they can find us, and to take us back there when we need to run away again.

They allow us that little bit of a leeway to not be ourselves sometimes, to do the things we wouldn’t normally do, and to help us feel right doing the wrong thing — without judgement, expectation or interference. They may come as revelations, dreams, visions, callings, desires, hope or intuitions. Irrespective of the form they take, these marvels become that undefinable something — that strange vigour — that rare state of mind where we believe we are invincible.

And yet, our marvels become the ideals that help us stay grounded — they become the footing to our chaotic imbalance, the calm to the hurricane in our eyes, the reason to our vexatious judgements, the composure to our impulsive minds, and finally, the answers to our secret conversations with the universe.

Every single time that you escaped to your Neverland, looked up with wonder at the night sky, gazing at the relentless spark shining bright from every little star, and spoke to the universe in hushed voices — the universe rearranged your marvel a tiny bit, till all the colours fell right into their places, and your Rubik’s cube of a marvel  was ready to take on the world for you, with you, beside you. You believed that all those secret conversations were nothing but a release of pent-up energy swelling deep inside you -—but little did you know, that with every shared secret, you were attracting your marvel towards you, never to be left alone ever again, to take your side in every little firefight, to rearrange you till you were sane again.

If you have been fortunate enough to be granted your precious marvel, then you must never ever let it slip away — tuck it safe under your pillow, ride on it’s happy wave, tie it tight in little strands of paradise, and walk with it before the morning fades. You must marvel at your marvel.

And those secret conversations with your cosmos — you must fuel them with the music in your soul — keep them coming. Sometimes you may be greeted only with the sound of silence, but very rarely a marvel will come along that will fill your patio with the rhythmic clinking of a thousand wind chimes in tune with your soul.

To the marvels that show us what coming back to life really feels like –

“Your ancestors called it magic, but you call it science. I come from a land where they are one and the same.” — Thor 

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Until next time, XOXO