It is true that everything has to wait for it’s time. Just like this blogpost that has been scheduled atleast 5 times in the past few months and never been published. It’s just one of those things that I’m not generally good at – writing a partially fictional essay about relationships.
And hence, a tiny disclaimer — this piece scrapes the lines between fiction, fantasy and reality. It comes from a place of inspiration, but a lot of it is a figment of my greedy mind’s imagination. It’s my interpretation of a magnanimous emotion; one that is deeply understated as being in love.
Haters of mush – steer clear.
Lovesick folk – this is your music.
“One fateful night, a fortunate stroke of serendipity knocked at my doors. This night inched languorously towards the day, stealing my sleep in its wake. As I was lying in my bed, imagining the stars that I could not see, the grass under my skin that I could not feel, and hands that weren’t with me to hold — something changed. My heart may have skipped a beat, my mind may have played a few tricks on me, and my palms may have felt sweaty all of a sudden. It was a moment I remember, a moment of rebirth, a moment of awakening, a moment of intellectual curiosity. If I had waited too long to do what I always intended to, then this was the universe gently nudging me forward to take my leap of faith.
It was as if I was watching myself from afar, in slow motion — feeling my chest rise and fall in a steady rhythm of unfamiliar notes, while thoughts became words and my hands typed in a frenzy of what can only be a strong desire to unleash an old mystery. A mystery waiting to be solved, an enigma waiting to be understood, a desire waiting to be absorbed, and a love waiting to be consumed.
The night gave way to the day, and days rolled over into more nights of innocent exchanges, deep conversations, smiles that were too big to contain, and hearts that were too full to hold back. We knew we had been planted in the right place. And come spring, to bloom was the only fate that lay ahead of us. It was destiny all along, and I couldn’t question the magic spell it had cast upon us.
Sometimes, a leap of faith, a belief in the stars and a microsecond of letting your guard down, is all you need to stumble forward and fall into the arms of grace. Because once you have done that, you will never have to climb a mountain alone, or laugh without abandon, or make choices that are drenched in remorse. Suddenly, your stars are perfectly aligned, your dreams are dreamt in unison, your reality is surreal, and your soul has found its drug. Nothing else really matters. There is beauty and truth even in the seemingly mundane. It is quiet, still, silent — except the strange thudding of the heart, making its presence felt, starting from the tingles behind your neck to the tips of your toes. In your heart you know — being so high on something has never felt better.
I’m not so sure that there is one soul mate for each of us. I’m not sure that love is only of one kind. I’m not sure if you ever really know that the love you feel is at its absolute, possible zenith. Or if there could be more? However, I do know that when it is right, it is all-consuming, it takes you places you have never been, it fills you with magic and makes you believe in strange afterlives. In paths of illumination. In shining on like crazy diamonds. In becoming one with the cosmos. In flowing like the boundless river. In leaving a lot of your reality to the imagination — turning fiction into fantasy and normalcy into nirvana. It’s the bright, blue, eternal flame that takes you away from who you are to a palace of illusions far far away. There’s more to you than yesterday; you know that now. In finding love, you have found the only feeling that touches the deepest, darkest corners of your soul — and, the soul of another that turns you on like nothing else ever will — a strange, spiritual beckoning.
Finding something beautiful without seeking it, the serendipity of the universe — never fails to amaze me. Even as you think you know what your highest mountain could be, it calls you higher, bringing you closer and closer to where you were always meant to be — as close as close can get. There is no turning back, there are no rules, no boundaries, no regrets, no questions, no judgements, no prejudices, no internal wars, no dwindling pride and no burning egos. Just a calm sense of silent comfort, of not doing but only being. A state of peaceful limbo. A secret chorus of minds making love, of words wrapped in pregnant silences, of voices that resonate in perfect synchrony, of good trips that stretch from dusk till dawn, and of psychedelia that lasts a lifetime, and then some.
And then comes the irrational fear of losing something that is so good to be true -—because too good to be true never happens twice in a lifetime. Because showing grace even when you don’t have to, is love in all its humility. Because when you choose the person over the stakes, you know you have fallen deep. Beyond expression. Beyond faith. Beyond control. You are officially in the maddest love there ever was. And life gives you a deliberate moment to bask in the glory of impossible dreams, entwined fingers, entangled souls and kisses that never feel complete enough.
I know now, that this magic is irreversible. I know it’s here to stay for a very long time. These moments are making history — seeping into every fiber of my being — opening doors, breaking walls, tugging at heart-strings, touching the untouched, and stealing glances. Because, as long as you are stealing a lot of glances — lot lot lot — the magic can never really go away.”
To the one who dreams my dreams with me — you know that even when I’m not with you, I’m never without. You know I have walked with you in the light, and I will walk with you to the dark side of the moon.
Until next time, XOXO